cthewind's Blog

I’m not much of a gossip, so this will not be THAT kind of post—no secret affairs or forbidden romance.

Also, I’m not referring in a saccharine way to love for work, as in, “Do what you love; love what you do.”

Instead, I want to engage love as wanting another to be—not only to survive, but to flourish in their whole selfhood—their inherent dignity, their giftedness, their genius. It’s simultaneously a higher bar and a lower one than asking people to like each other.

Too often, workplaces get sucked into the kind of drama that unfolds at a middle school, in which every interaction is laden with perceptions of belonging and popularity and every participant lives ever at the edge of feeling inadequate or being misunderstood. (As a side note, some of my best routes to compassion when I’ve experienced challenging moments with colleagues have been in moments in which I can hear or otherwise filter their comments through their 12 or 13 year-old selves.)

It’s ok that we never grow out of wanting to belong and to be liked.

But popularity is fickle, and it’s not the best measure for happiness or success in the workplace.

Rooted and fears and inadequacy, we are not our best selves in life or at work. Unmoored from our inherent dignity, our giftedness, and our genius, we bring unsettled energy to our interactions and sometimes chase the wrong kinds of validation.

Love is a way better path to joy in both life and work.

Love, understood as wanting someone to be, and directed toward yourself as well as others, can settle you in your body and selfhood. Love can help keep you focused on the main thing, which is offering what you can; inviting, receiving, and appreciating what others offer; and aiming your efforts toward shared goals. You can do this even when you don’t like someone. Even when you don’t like yourself too much.

Always choose loving over liking. Liking is fickle; it goes up and down according to circumstances and moods. You can endure these ups and downs if you’re tethered to a deeper love that wants yourself and others to be.